The finish line of one and the beginning of another...

     Today marked the end of the week for me.  Tomorrow is Veteran's Day, so we have off.  It also marks the 236th Birthday for the Marine Corps. Ooh-Rah, fellow Devil Dogs.  It also marks the end of a week of significant accomplishments for me.  On Wednesday morning, I passed my weigh-in, well more like got by on the skin of my teeth, but I passed.  Today, which was the PRT, I was able to score an overall excellent, which now allows me to be a fitness instructor at my command.  I find I do better when I teach things like this, it gives me that reason to HAVE to work out.

     So, suffice it to say, my life has taken an upward turn.  The last six months were Hell.  I'll admit that to anyone.  I'm not pointing fingers here, because I know it was Hell for her too.  However, its brought about the realization that we both made mistakes. Mistakes I think we've both learned from and hopefully will recognize and won't make again in future relationships.  The last few weeks have been a turning point in my life.  This part of my blog was all about moving on, reinventing myself and strive towards my ultimate goal, which has always been a solid relationship.

     I can honestly say, that I can breath again.  For those six months it was like I was drowning.  But over time, I've been able to come to grips with the truth and accept it.  So, here I am... starting over from scratch.  I think, perhaps, I read to many romantic and chivalrous novels as a child, because I have this idea of a relationship.  Of a woman who doesn't need me, but wants me. Who isn't inferior to me, or needs me to save her, but is my equal in every way intelligence, emotions, wit. Someone who doesn't want to settle for the same old, tired the wife stays at home and the husband goes to work relationship, but rather is my partner.  I'm looking for the Bonnie to my Clyde.  That's right, I want a woman who will rob banks with me, who will take on the world right along side me.

     Some psychologists believe that every man is looking for a mate that fits his template of a woman; his mother.  I can agree with that. The qualities I am looking for in a woman are the ones I saw in my mother. Smart, funny, intelligent, strong, courageous and unique.  I don't want a woman who isn't her own person. Maybe I've met her, or maybe I haven't... I don't know.  As "they" say, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but I can tell you this, there's one that I've noticed... and maybe if I play my cards right, maybe if I am calm, patient and myself... something wonderful will happen.  Then again, I could blow it completely.

     One finish line has been crossed, but there's several more races to be run.  I'm going to quit worrying about the finish lines, and enjoy the scenery that I am running through, hopefully that will keep me entertained until I reach my goals.

At bat, staring the pitcher down for strike two...

     Here it is. I'm at bat. After the first strike, I called a time out. Went back to the batting cage and took several practice swings.  Now, the pressure is on.  I'm standing there and its just me and him, one on one.  He's staring me down with the cold, calculating look that says all he wants to do is get two more strikes and watch me walk off the field defeated.

     That's how I feel right now.  There is a lump in my throat so big I almost can't breath.  My skin is crawling from the hot rush of blood beneath it, and my fight-or-flight mechanism is kicking into high gear.  Tomorrow is my weigh-in.  I just got a courtesy check... and things are not looking good.  I've got about 2 inches to get rid of to make the cut.  However, I still have some things to try, things that have worked in the past.  Its also middle of the day after I've been sitting around working all day.  Maybe, just maybe, things will come out and I'll make it.

     All I need is tiny piece of that ball. Just a nick of the bat to the skin that'll send it off this side of the foul line.  I don't care if its a bunt, a line-drive, what have you.  All I have to do is get a piece of it and I can make it to base.  He raises an eyebrow at me, questioningly.  Yeah, fuck you too buddy. This may be strike two we're looking at... but there's a whole lot time to catch the next one as well.

The only thing we have to fear is...

     Immortal words spoken by Franklin D. Roosevelt.  I'm pretty sure you've all heard them at least once in your life, probably while sitting in a Jr. High or High School history or government class.  I am noticing that they are true words.  We live our lives in fear.  Fear of what might happen tomorrow, fear of what might happen next year, heck, fear of what might happen in the next few minutes.  I'm no different.  I fear things just like the rest of the 7 billion people on this planet.

     Right now, my biggest fear is this weigh-in on Wednesday.  I think it sucks that my job and the last 16 years of my career are being dangled over my head, but I understand why.  I understand that I am not where I should be and that I need to get there. Fear can be a powerful motivator when applied correctly.  There are other things that I fear. I fear what the rest of my life is going to be like now that the relationship I worked for 7 years to build is gone.  Every time I find myself attracted to someone new, I fear what they are thinking of me. Are they judging me? Will they hear my story and laugh and walk away? Or worse yet, not even listen.

     Maybe its part of our Fight-or-Flight system.  I find, as I am growing older, that I have changed when it comes to fear.  It used to stop me dead in my tracks. I would feel like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi on a dark, snowy highway.  Everybody knows what I'm talking about, even if they won't admit it. You come face to face with what you are fearing, and there is a point where you have to make a decision.  Do I press forward, or do I go backwards. Do I move to safety, or do I risk getting splattered across the grill. Lately, I have been able to see that point approaching with a little bit of clarity. I can see that I will have to make that decision soon. Whether its in my profession, my daily life, or talking to a beautiful woman.  I'm also finding, that more and more, I want to press forward, I want to take a chance.  I am sick of living my life in fear of what might happen, to the point that it passes me by.

     So, here is my challenge to you.  Next time you find yourself in that situation where you are facing your fear. Have courage. Step forward and take a chance...  you never know what might happen to your life if you do.

Breaking points

I think part of my problem might have been that I was at a plateau, a really long, boring, barren one.  Nothing that I was doing was helping my weight, my blood pressure or anything else.  I tried doing Carido, Weight lifting, etc. My doctor upped my medication for my hypertension, then dragged it down, then brought it up again.  Even my blood pressure was plateaued, right around 145/100... which isn't good.

I'm not sure what happened in the last 2 1/2 weeks, but Friday I got some good news. Perhaps it was Stacy's class, perhaps its the B12 I've been injecting, perhaps its changing my eating habits or working out more... I don't know.  What I do know is that on Friday I found out that I'd gone from a 44 inch waist to a 41.5 inch waist.  Which is good, its not what I need, I need to lose more, but its a step in the right direction.

I kind of feel like I'm on an episode of House.  The one where they treat a problem with a ton of medications and when the patient starts improving, House says, "Now start taking each one away, one by one to figure out which is helping him."  I don't want to do that just yet, but it may have to be done.

November 9th is my official BCA (Body Composition Assessment) and November 10th is the PRT (Physical Readiness Test).  I should be good on the PRT, though I would like to try for an excellent.  The BCA is what I am worrying about.  Failing this one, is the 2nd failure I will have on my record in 4 years... which means, just like baseball, three strikes... you're out.

I really want to do all of this for my health. So that I feel better, so that I look better.  Its hard, however, not to be motivated by the fact that I could lose my job.  The worst part of this, is the Navy.  For decades there has been zero emphasis on fitness and nutrition.  Eating healthy on a ship, even today is a Herculean feat.  That last time I was on a ship, the only way I could eat healthy was to buy a freezer, put it in my shop and pack it with healthy food.

So, way back in 2005/2006, for some reason, the Navy got on the "Culture of Fitness" wagon.  They revamped their instructions and decided that if you had more than 3 PFA failures in 4 years, you would be ADSEPed (Administratively Separated) out of the Navy.  They made a big deal of instituting a culture of fitness into the Navy and that everyone should work out at least 3 times per week during working hours.  I have yet to be at a command that truly believes or has put forth this "Culture of Fitness".

Most ideas of fitness are making sure their people get afford the opportunity to PT.  There's no real training on how to do that properly. There is no instruction on how to change your eating habits.  Its still the Navy, expecting you to do what they tell you to with zero help.  If I could do one thing, one thing to change the Navy before I retire, it would be to get the upper chain of command of the Navy to understand that just because you put something down on paper in an instruction, doesn't mean its going to change anything.  They need to back it up with action.

The Joys of Silk...

     Part of the class that I am taking deals with nutrition.  A lot of it is very good information, like not eating after seven p.m. unless you have to and then making it leafy green vegetables or something like an apple with a little peanut butter.  I also asked, its ok to drink liquids after 7 p.m., but you shouldn't really be drinking caffine that late.

     It also came with a shopping list.  Some of it, I knew already... fruits, vegetables, chicken, turkey, etc.  One I had already discovered on my own - Mrs. Dash's salt-free spices!  I have three different ones the Lemon Pepper, Italian Medely and the Tomato Basil.  The Instructor, Stacy Dinter, has told us that you should really only be consuming around 2400mg of sodium per day.  Adding these spices to a chicken breast or other meal gives it a lot of flavor without adding to your sodium intake.

    One, that I heard about, the topic of this post, is Silk - Soy Milk.  I have seen and heard about it from other people... and when I saw it on the list, I was really hesitant to try it.  I have tried other soy products before. Yes, several years ago, but... my opinion of them was that they tasted horrible.  However, I am trying to give this my all, so I bought what was on the list: Vanilla Lite Soy Milk and Chocolate Lite Soy Milk.

     The other night, with my dinner of a lemon pepper chicken breast and vegetables, I add 1 cup (yes, exactly one cup as the serving size states on the back of the box.) to a glass for my drink.  I was expecting a nasty, chalky soy taste.  The box states that 1 cup is 90 calories, which isn't too bad.  I sat down with my dinner and began to eat.  First drink of soy milk and I was impressed.  It was very smooth, very much like regular chocolate milk and had zero soy taste or nasty after taste.

     So, what I have learned from this... I recommend Silk ;)

First of 10 Days...

So today I started the first of a 10 day "fat burning" program... because that's what I need to get rid of.  I've been working on weight lifting, which helps build muscles and speed up metabolism.  Last week I started taking Vitamin B12 twice a week.  The last few months have been seriously disheartening, as I haven't seen any results.  Each week we have to get weighed, taped and measured so the Navy can monitor my improvement.  There has been zero improvement.  Even the Command's Fitness Leader, who has seen the work outs I have been doing and what I have been eating, was speechless.  He did this thing where he stood there staring after I asked him a question... I hate that. I wanted to slap him.

Friday, however, I saw something.  Maybe its a glimmer of hope, a sliver lining in the black storm clouds that have been hanging around the last six months... but it was something.  I put on my uniform, buttoned my pants, zipped up the fly and adjusted my belt.  My pants slipped down towards my hips.  Now that's not that impressive, one of the great things about our new Navy Working Uniforms (NWUs) is that they have adjustable elastic waistbands... these things fit like pajamas, I love them!  However, the change was in my belt.  Normally, I had to buckle it with the tip of the belt butting right up against the buckle.  Friday, I had to sinch it down and there was a good 1 1/2 to 2 inches of belt past the buckle... that is a good change.

I enjoyed Stacy's work out this morning, it was fun, there were new work outs that I hadn't done over and over before, and from what she has said I think it will keep being interesting.  There are 7 of us out there this morning... I was the only guy.  For some reason, maybe its just the way I was raised, I didn't feel out of place.

I'll keep you informed on the rest of the program :)

Day 2 - 31 Day Boot Camp

     In hopes of seriously kicking my own ass for the next month before our command's official PFA (Physical Fitness Assessment) I am working out like crazy.  Today was day 2 of my 31 Day Boot Camp program.  Not a bad work out, only about 30-40 minutes, but it was all concentrated on my arms.

    Started with Dumb Bell Press and moved on to: Split Squat Push Press, Front Dumb Bell Raises, One Arm Dumb Bell Rows, Standing Dumb Bell Curls, Seated Tricep Press and Pile Dumb Bell Squats.  All of it concentrated on my arms, so they feel like absolute jelly.

     I have another three workouts this week in this program, and then along with the regular Physical Training I have to do with the command, 3 days per week, plus one more on Tuesday afternoons, next week I will be starting a 10-day fat burning class that an acquaintance is doing.  Last week I worked out for approximately 12 hours.  This week it will be about the same and next week, well it will increase a little.

     Hopefully, this will have some effect.  We shall see.