Reinvention is never complete

     Changes are something that never end. For if the world, nature or us mere creatures reached one state and remained there, we'd be dead. Then again, even dead changes still occur. It's been just over two years since I last touched this blog and I find that once again I must change to move forward. I have finally gotten some help for my medical problems and at last there is a chance to move forward, to change, to grow.

     I had a Radio Frequency Ablation done on my lower back. What this means is that they went in and burned out the nerve endings that have been causing me pain. They will re grow in 6 months to a year, but until then I will be relatively pain free. 6 months to a year... That's a lot of time for changes. This time however, it will be done my way, according to my desires, not the Navy's.  I won't be using their metrics, I won't be caring about making their measurements or goals. I'll be concentrating on my own.

     There are four aspects of health and fitness in my mind: Exercise, Nutrition, Sleep and Psyche. I have plans for each of these. To balance each of them and change. The other part to this will be not working towards a goal weight or body fat, it will be working to be fit, feel good and feel comfortable in my skin.

     I also have decided to follow the Marine method in doing things: break down completely and then build up. I am going to start using every method I can think of to shed fat and weight. Once I have reached a baseline I am comfortable with, then I will begin working on putting on the muscle that I want.

     Have a healthy tip? I'd love to hear it.

Must be doing something right...

One year ago, my life was completely different than it is today.  I had something I had worked on for years ripped away from me.  I was pretty devastated, and I'm quite positive that if it weren't for my friends and my job, things would have gone a completely different direction.

It's a year later though, and I have to say that my life has taken a complete 360 degree turn.  I'm moving towards my goals, my job is very rewarding and I have a great future ahead of me.  The next three years will give me the training and experience that I want for my career before I retire in 2015.  Everything in that part of my life has been looking up lately.

There is however, one thing that has happened, one amazing thing.  About a two months ago, I decided to try my hand the whole "internet dating site" thing.  I have tried a few others since around November of last year, and nothing happened, at all.  Mid-March, I decided to give E-Harmony a shot.  Of course it one of the more prominent ones, so I thought I might have a better chance.

I created my profile, as best I could, and started following their process.  I contacted several different women, talked with several and went out on a date with another; that didn't really go too well.  I was on the verge of giving up and deciding that I should just worry about myself and let whatever happens, happen.  So, I started talking with another woman and we agreed to meet for coffee.

I'm absolutely positive that April 6th, 2012 will always stand out in my mind.  We met at 4pm at the Mocking Bird Cafe in Bay St. Louis.  The plan was to have coffee, chat and see what happens.  We had coffee, she gave me a tour of Bay St. Louis and then we went for Beignets.  Before I realized it, I was almost an hour late to meet my friends.

The past month and a half have been truly amazing.  This woman has shown me that there are so many possibilities out there, so many more than I thought could be.

Finally, something has gone right!

     Last week, I got the best news I have received in a very, very long time.  To give you an idea of how momentous this is, you have to understand a few things about how sailors in the Navy get their jobs.  For decades, sailors would call up one person who is called their Detailer.  This person is privy to all of the open positions that person is qualified for throughout the Navy.  They would talk to this person and try to convince him or her to give them the position they wanted.  Two things have to coincide for a sailor to get what he wants: the desire of the sailor and the needs of the Navy.

     As time goes on, and a sailor spends more and more time in the Navy, this window of opportunity gets tighter and tighter.  Eventually, they have gained so much experience and specialized training, that there are only a few positions available.  To get the detailer to give you something completely outside of your normal career path, is like pulling teeth from a lion.  Its like trying to get Atlas to shrug or perhaps unravel the Gordian Knot.  99% of the time, its just not going to happen.

     So, this momentous occasion, this absolutely amazing event that happen... my detailer released me to the special programs detailer, who is putting me into the Navy's Substance Abuse Rehabilitation Program Counselor position on the USS Ronald Reagan.  I have to owe this to my department head, who happens to know my detailer, for facilitating the decision, and a whole lot of it to luck.

     What am I going to be doing, you ask?  Well, in September I will be driving out to California, to the naval station at Point Loma in San Diego.  There, for 10 weeks, I will sit through 7 weeks of didactic training and then spend 3 weeks in clinical rotation learning to be a substance abuse counselor.  Once I have completed the school I will drive north to Bremerton, Washington where I will check in to the USS Ronald Reagan.  For the next year I will serve as the one individual on the ship who counsels people when they have substance abuse issues.  After that first year, I will be able to take an exam, raising myself from intern to a full fledged Navy Alcohol and Drug Counselor.  After spending three years in that position, I will be able to take a second exam which will internationally certify me in 40 states and 14 countries.  After reading up on this program I discovered that many people in this position are highly sought after in the civilian sector, at places like the Betty Ford Clinic.

     I love knowing where I am heading.  I do not like not having a course or a heading, but now that I have this one, I am extremely happy.  So, at least one thing in the last eight months has gone right.

Its got the old book smell...!

     In reinventing myself, I have been pondering doing something I have wanted to do my whole life: collect books.  Not just go down to Barnes & Noble and buy a book, read it and let it sit on the shelf to collect dust.  I mean, no shit, COLLECT books.  We're talking hardcore, first edition hardbacks.  We are talking driving from state to state, digging through used bookstore shelves, searching for that holy grail by a specific author.  We're talking looking up the original printing date to ensure that it is, in fact, a first edition.

     I have always had a love affair with books, so when real people let me down, I've always turned back to books.  My mother said I was reading by the time I was four.  I can remember reading The Thorn Birds at age seven, and then diving into the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings at age 8 & 9.  My mother has always been a reader.  My grandmother, god bless her soul, use to take me to the library every week.  This woman would walk out of the library with two paper grocery bags full of books.  She would read them in a week, then take them back for more.  How did she do this, you might wonder?  She read late in the night until 2-3am.  Then she would get up around 6-7am, clean, do chores and start all over again.  I think she was my inspiration for reading.

     So, my gaming group is not meeting this Saturday.  It is a perfect time to start.  I'll get off work early on Friday.  I get paid this weekend.  Which means, I can tool around Ocean Springs, Biloxi, Gulfport and maybe even New Orleans looking what I am going to start collecting.  I think I will right down my favorite authors and begin with them: Stephen King, Dean R. Koontz, Robert R. McCammon, J.R.R. Tolkien, Robert E. Howard, Robert Jordan, etc. That means I need to make lists of their books, along with the original printing dates for each book so that I can appraise whether I am looking at a first edition or not.  It also means I need to buy a really good bookcase to store them in.  Lot of things to do, only a few days to do them in.

     My life is beginning to goes its own way after everything that happened that last year... I guess that is what needs to happen, as Stevie Nicks sang I need to go my own way...

Certain Criteria...

     So, I've been thinking.  Yeah, yeah, I know how bad of a thing that is to do, but really, I just can't help myself.  That would be like asking a fish to stop swimming, a mother to stop worrying or a politician to stop lying... its just not going to happen.  So, you ask, what have you been thinking?  I thought you'd never ask!

     I need to not settle for what's available.  Maybe my problem is that I give on certain criteria when it comes to a person I would like to be involved with.  Now, before the women of my past start lifting up stones to throw at me, I'm not saying any of you are the subject of this post.  I am talking about the future Mrs. Sayers; Mrs. Right.

     What I am trying to say, is there are some criteria that I would like in a mate.  So, what I have decided to do, is list these criteria and keep them handy, especially for dates.  Then at the most inopportune time, whip them out and ask.  I can just see it, sitting at a quiet table, candle lit dinner, glasses of wine, soft music in the background, and then out comes the questions... "So, Christmas trees... real or artificial?"  ~grins~

     What are these criteria that I am thinking of... I'm not too awfully picking.  Here is what I am looking at:

1. Christmas Tree - Real
2. Career - Something, a desire, a drive to do something in life other than pop out babies and clean the house (which, just for the record, I do rugs, windows and dishes)
3. Travel - Must be willing to obtain a passport, save for vacations and travel to distant lands on my arm.
4. Do not discredit my Geekness - Sorry ladies, I'm not your average guy.  I would rather gather around a table with friends and play Dungeons & Dragons rather than sit on the couch and wonder who will be going to the Superbowl.
5. Adventurous - This encompasses a lot of things.  Must be willing to at least try, canoeing, kayaking, hiking, camping, hunting, etc.  Must be willing to try new things, experiences and food.
6. Working Out - I'm going to keep taking care of myself, I want a woman who is willing to do the same and possibly do that with me.
7. Literate - Wait, more than literate, well read.  The woman I am looking for must read, not just magazines or news articles, full fledged books.
8. Enjoy Movies/TV Shows - I love going to the movies, I'm a snob.  I count the seats, to figure out the dead center of the theater, and that is where I want to sit.  I want a woman who will look forward to going to the movies with me, talk about the plot, the casting, the story.  Who will sit and watch an entire season of a favorite TV show.
9. Open-Minded - Ladies, I am not one of those guys who clams up, not one of those guys who will not talk about feelings, relationships or sex.  That's right, I said sex.  I prefer a woman who can talk openly about what she wants.
10. Sarcasm - Last but not least. Ladies, I'm sarcastic.  It comes out even worse when I am tired; I once made a nurse in the emergency room cry and leave because of it.  I wasn't trying, I just wasn't thinking.  Call me on my bullshit when I'm an ass, but I need you to be able it the rest of the time.

So, there it is.  My criteria.  I don't think its too unrealistic.  What do you think?

Sunday mornin' comin' down...

     That song was written by Kris Kristofferson, originally recorded by Ray Stevens in 1969, and the following year recorded by not just Kristofferson, but also his good friend Johnny Cash.  If you've never heard it, let me give you the run down.  The singer, after having spent a Saturday night drinking, smoking and playing guitar, has a beer for breakfast (just a note, this where the term 'hair of the dog' comes from. Referring to the old myth that you can prevent something by taking some of the hair of the dog that bit you.), cleaning himself up and heading out into the city.  Out there, on the silent Sunday sidewalk, he laments how lonely it feels.

     There are times that I wish I wouldn't think so much.  However, the fact of the matter is, I do.  I think all the time.  I think about everything.  I see so many possibilities in life... and my mind works through all of them.  I don't know if this is something you all do... or if its just a part of my nature.  I know in my younger days, I thought a lot.  Perhaps its from being an only child, but I was a quiet boy.  I kept to myself.  I watched people and wondered.  All through my life I have done this.  I'm not saying I don't act, because if you've seen the scars that cover this body, you'll know that I've done my share of living and still will.  However, that being said... I still mull over so many things.

     So, right now... what's on my mind?  What is keeping the wheels turning in my brain?  There are a lot of things going on in there.  Aside from all of the things that I have to do for work, the creative ideas that are constantly swimming about begging to be put down on paper... there's the future.  I probably think about that the most lately.  Right now, there are so many possibilities.  So many directions that I could go.  It doesn't help that I have one year left here in Biloxi, and after that the next three are at the mercy of the U.S. Navy.  Yes, I know.  I made the decision to enlist.  I am good with that.  However, I think about where I will go and what I will do.  I think about relationships.  I can say that there is someone who has sparked my interests greatly.  Question is... what will come of that attraction?  Even if she is attracted to me, how can I ask her to be in a long distance relationship or even wait, that's pretty selfish of me.  Then here I go again... I'm already over-thinking all of this.

     I think I will digress.  I think I will choose not to think.  That, I think, is the best way to think about this.  Did you notice the "thinks" laden in those sentences... I wonder if it will work.  What do you think?

Silver linings...

     When I woke up this morning it had rained.  I love the rain.  I love when the sky is heavy and pregnant with storm clouds.  I love the smell that the air gets, so full of water that its ready to burst.  When there's that soft, off-in-the-distance rumble of thunder and you know its going to rain.  Lately, my life's been like that.  Full of storm clouds off on the horizon.  I, however, have been forgetting just how much I love that.  Adversity; that's what I'm talking about here.

     Who wants to go through life where everything is practically perfect in every way? No one.  We may hate the climb up the mountain, but when we look back from the summitt and see just how far we've gone, seen the rocky ledges we traversed and the obstacles overcame... there is a satisfaction that sets in.  Just knowing that you did it.

     Today, with its overcast sky and raindrops, reminded me of that.  Reminded me just how much I need adversity in my life.  I've never been good when things are easy.  I'll admit it, I procrastinate like a gold-medalist in the 100 yard Putting-Things-Off event.  However, when there is conflict, chaos, disorder, when there are a million and one things bearing down that have to be done by the next day... I shine.  I've always been good and making order out of chaos. I imagine it is one of the reasons I have exceled in the military, that and the fact that I have the ability to make quick decisions.

     As I sit here today, typing this, I realize that I need to keep challenges in my life.  I need to have adversity, I need to strive against something, so that I can stay sharp, stay strong and excel.  The title today, silver linings hints at what I've always seen in those storm clouds.  I know that they won't last forever.  That soon there will be a change in the wind, maybe a nice lake-effect and blue skies will come rolling back in with the sun.  That's my silver lining and it always has been, that nothing bad lasts, that there is and will always be change.  So let a few rain drops fall... I'm good with that.